Saturday, December 31, 2005 2005...

most memorable trips:
2 bangkok trips in a year
jan 12 – jan 16 2005
this first trip was with my incovar friends. there were 15 of us in this trip – the after camp excursion for all of us. alex came to me at 6.50am and said, “chee onn i forgot to bring my passport.” i was like, “you are kidding me, right” but true enough, alex really did forgot to bring his passport. and our flight is at 7.50am. alex had the most exciting journey coming to bangkok. rescheduled his flight to afternoon. took the erl to airport. but some part of the country decided to shut down the electricity. he got stucked in the train. miss his 2nd flight. then rescheduled again to evening. finally, he made it to bangkok. met alex at about 9pm for dinner. had the most fun shopping in chatujak market as it was cold and with a beautiful weather. bought rm50+ worth of lays.

may 11 to may 15 2005
second trip to bangkok was with fred. flew with mas. was there to help den with the inter cultural youth exchange program to khon khean. was with dear, tony and jayson as well who came as participants. i am glad they were there to bring some incovar culture to the exchange program. it was the most relaxing trip as that month was the most depressing moment in the office; deadlines not met, programmers are like doh and pm was really out of this world. i really need to get out of the country! and i did, fred flew me to bangkok and saved me from all these frustrating moments.

most tiring and inspiring moments:
23rd incovar dhamma camp and 24th incovar dhamma camp
23rd idc(2 june – 5 june) was held in subang jaya. we have more than 30 participants from thailand. very difficult coordination. bus rental. touring kl. but very happy to receive them for the camp. themed; live wisely, rewrite destiny it was indeed an appropriate time for me to reflect and rewrite my destiny.

24th idc (8 dec – 11 dec)was held in ssl puchong. completed recently. with over 30+ participants, this camp saw the most memorable camp for people as the bonding with each other was at the peak and everyone knows everybody in the camp. slept, played games, listened to talk, eat all within this 4 walls was indeed something that brought all the participants closer. and had this very stressful moment in rushing with the ixp script. indeed worth all the effort and time as the concept was remarkable.

most stressful moments:
may 2005 to august 2005
stationed in ciast shah alam for work. mrg told me he is going to resign. i had to take over the responsibility to manage the project without being asked. managing more than 15 people; from really fresh programmers to contract programmers from india. pushing for deadlines for this really huge million project. not recognized as the pm but doing all the things of pm – no authority. meetings and making big decisions. problems after problems. people leaving and quitting. and i was about to quit too until alex told me, look for opportunity in problems. this struck me so hard that i told myself, i am not giving up.

most stressful but satisfaction moment:
october 2005 – november 2005
to design the i.gemz album cover. last minute work. last minute need ideas and concept. worked round the clock with kns and daniel for concept and design. taking countless of pictures after pictures. rushing for deadlines. finally, pevin took the final step to put everything together. and voila, the i.gemz album cover. its feels nice to see some of the design selling like hotcakes. well, this is from another perspective of being part of the i.gemzmers!

the longest phone conversation:
i was on the phone with a fren for almost 1 ½ hours. my chat with this friend is always at least 45 minutes. almost once a week or more.

best haircut this year:
12 may 2005
a salon in siam square. introduced by a friend. cost about rm12 for washing and shampooing, cutting and styling. and was done by the salon boss. his delegate hands and pro cutting made it the most worth-it haircut for me. i actually love the way he styled my hair. i am going back there again!

most “heated” argument:
december 2005
everyone who knows me, i hate to make enemy. but there is this one idiot who is such a nuisance. maybe it’s the attitude. somehow, i had this most stupid argument over email with this really frustrating being.

most irritating people:
november 2005
this species were recently discovered somewhere towards the end of 2005 in an office building somewhere in damansara. imagine giving training to these individuals who doesn’t trust a thing you say or teach and have to test out the validity of what you say on the spot during the lesson itself. and later forgets the things you taught. and kept asking the same thing over and over and over again. most stupid of all, that particular individual doesn’t even write anything during the lessons. and dared to tell people, i did not teach that. i think that is the lowest of the lowest being; worst of the cya people who tells the most obnoxious lies.

most best advice:
look for opportunity in problems.

most doh car accident:
23 october 2005
during the pcic in malacca. kns was talking about getting the scrap metal from my car to fake an accident; by throwing it into the lake in ssl as part of the ixp. and indeed, met with an accident in malacca, with pevin’s car. my 2 headlights crashed into little pieces and pevin’s car was unhurt. cost me rm150 to get new headlights.

most happening worktrip:
24 october 2005
woke up at 4am. rushed to snr mgr house. picked him up. went to klia. boarded the 7.05am flight to kuching. arrived there just before 9. took a cab to town. went to coffee bean. prepare presentation. sit around. check mails. drink coffee. 12.30pm, took a cab to kota samarahan. went to ilp kota samarahan. meeting started at 2pm. presented to more than 40 people, mostly ketua pengarah of iljtm on tms. 5.00pm had another short meeting with romzi about jtmnet. then carpooled with romzi to town. went shopping and walking along the riverside. took beautiful pictures of kuching sunset. got a sms from airasia. flight delayed. bought a dvd. watch in the pathetic kuching international airport. reached home at 2am.

most scariest meeting:
august 2005
i was asked by my pm to go with him to a meeting in putrajaya. i was told that i need to prepare some stuff about the priority 2 and 3 issues and some updates to the project.
so, when i was in the meeting room, i saw almost 40+ people, with all my key users and the customer’s project manager and a lot more unknown people. so, i was asked about what is all these priorities 2 and 3 issues. dem, i was so scared. either i be the good person to ensure that my key users interest are protected or be a bad person to protect myself. with 40+ pairs of eyes looking at me; mostly from my key users, i chose to maintain a good relationship with them. i said things that they wanted to hear only. and i knew nobody could help me that time. and imagine, at that level, the way the meeting was conducted, seriously man. alex we could just go in and wack their brains off man. i knew very well that if i fall into their brainwaves and style, i would be one of them. so, i happily change my brainwave frequency and tuned myself into alex/kns’s channel. state my objectives, give them project updates, and make a conclusion to it. and of course, reiterate again the conclusion so that everyone is clear and end of story. and the meeting continued on with a lot of updates and stories but no conclusion; after which there is a big makan session. gosh, this kind of meeting?

most anticipating trip but never turned out:
16 march 2005
i so wanted to take up denphong’s challenege to oganise a volunteer program to phuket to help cheer up the children of tsunami. supposedly to spend 3 days in phuket to help the temples and give some warmth and laughter to these children. this is such a great opportunity to do something so meaningful that i reluctantly say no to denphong as i could not get enough help for this wonderful event.

most coincidental friendship:
june 2005
6 degrees of separation? move aside asha. this has got to be the most closest degree of separation. joey introduced ruben to me because i was looking for someone to join my team; who is good in programming and might be searching for a job. chatted with ruben thru msn for quite sometime. nope, he wasn’t looking for a software development job. instead, he was asking for a sales/account management job. i send his resume to paul. and paul told me he hired a week ago. and the person paul hired was ruben’s friend from college, kevin. kevin roommate in working under matt’s team now. coincident. months later, sales was looking for people again. again, ruben’s name was put up. was asked for interview. passed. chuah interviewed. passed. but he turned down the offer. haih. ruben, after so much hassle!

most beautiful moments:
may 2005 to september 2005
spending nights after nights of meeting with the incovar team at mcd and starbucks; brainstorming ideas and concepts and doing beautiful things together. it’s a wonderful thing to have gathered all these great minds together and work on things that will greatly benefit so many people. alex, lets put our minds into some money making thing for ourselves and generate some fund to incovar!. because @ incovar…we inspire…

most longest time spent standing:
20 december 2005
was inline from 630am waiting to get number to apply for the new identity card – mykad. got number 71. stood and waited till 11.00am. then only it was my turn. stood for more than 4 hours at the same exact spot. why? too lazy to move or think or do anything. so doh! but, i was right after chief reverend when taking the photo. what a coincidence. good karma. hopefully they wont mistaken chief face and put in my ic.

most outrageous buy:
20 may 2005
i bought myself a camera. panasonic lumix fz5. cost me about rm1940. freebies include a small casing, a filter, a camera travel bag, 512card, tripod. and you couldn’t imagine the amazing things i did with my new camera. i totally enjoyed it and love this investment. thanks fred.

most expensive gifts:
7 december 2005
fred gave me a watch for christmas. merry christmas fred.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 time of craziness...

...i hated everything. i dowan to talk to people. i dowan to answer any call. i dowan to say anything. i hate myself. i just dowan to hurt anyone with some stupid harsh words or not so smart actions that i will regret later. please help me...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

...crazeeness help...

...i hope those crazee time is over. no, i dunno whts wrong. no, i dowan to think about whats wrong; stupid pink elephants! and no, please don ask my whats wrong with me. somehow frustration just got over me and anger just wanted to resurface. my eq was terribly at the lowest; where the slightest annoyance will cause so much hatred and wrong actions in me. please help. i need help...

Monday, December 26, 2005


...i am so sure i am going crazee already...
i have been having this unsure emotion that is bothering me these few weeks and it sure is gonna hurt alot if i totally burst out these emotions. i am so frustrated over it and i dunno how to tell him off. i need time off!!!
i really need some time OFF...

Friday, December 23, 2005

...leave clearance...

...i have 13 days of leave to clear by end of this year, else it will be forfeited. so my sr manager ask me to take leave on dec 20, 21, 23, 27, 28, 30. which leaves me with 7 more days to go. and i have already brought forward 7 days. hmm, i should start planning on a break soon for next year. so what did i do for the leaves i apparently took.

day 1 leave. went to make mykad. then came back to office supposedly to have lunch with colleague. ended up answering so many questions about the project. left at 3pm.

day 2 leave. came back to office. cos need to interview ppl. haih, tot it would be a good candidate. but, wasting time. ended up leaving office at abt 3pm.

day 3 leave. happily sleeping and sleeping. then got a sms from xujia. tender. need my input. so come back to office. its now 8pm

apparently, chuah was asking for technical meeting on dec30. hmm, should i just cancel my leave? or maybe somehow, they will pay back my leave. i dunno. pretty stupid of me anyway.

what do i plan to do with the off days? go somewhere and hide. i so wanted to run away to someplace and just hide for a few days. maybe i will just do it after christmas...i so needed to runaway from life and just be away from the city for a while. flying off? too expensive. now tht my bank account is like getting lesser and lesser. my gawd! i dunno what happened liao. i need a long break from people. from anyone. from civilisation.

next year in planning :: siem reap, nepal, bangkok, states. now where do i get all the money...

Thursday, December 22, 2005

...keep on striving...

success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of clouds of doubt
and you never can tell how close you are
it may be near when it seems afar
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
its when things seem worst that you musn't quit

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

...dear's birthday...

...22122005...happy birthday dear...

Monday, December 19, 2005

...mykad application... i woke up at 530am and went to jabatan pendaftaran malaysia to change to mykad. arrived at 630am. the most doh-est thing i did. lined up on the wrong side. so doh. which took up about 50 places. dem.

so, i got no 71. supposedly to be about 11am++. but lazy to move my butt. stayed put there and waited. and waited.

until almost my turn. guess who i say came and do mykad. wakakaz. surprisingly. coincident. waliao. when my number was called, i went to the counter and gave my ic to that man. he only asked me 2 questions :: alamat sama? agama buddha atau kristian?

after that, that man behind the counter ask me to go line up to take photo. wakakaz. was just right behind chief! was looking at him taking photo for his mykad and after him, was my turn. good karma, i was next to chief. hopefully this good karma will win me a new car. lets pray for me...

anyway, tiring day. all settled. wanna go sleep.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

... beliefs minus actions II ...

...conform your actions to your beliefs the best you can, but never conform your beliefs to justify your actions, unless you have objectively found flaws in your beliefs...
going thru lives day in day out, we are bound to meet many types of people, encountered differing attitudes and habit of people. whatever we do or say is reflected in the eyes of the receivers; the person whom we are trying to communicate with. our actions and speech will the the determining point of how we are perceived by others. so, how does others perceive us?
imagine, you are dead! and you see people attending your funeral. and you see 3 category of people (parents, good frens and your colleagues) in the front giving an eulogy. what do you think they will say about you? have you thought of that? given some deep thoughts of what will i be to them?
what they will say about you is what they perceive you to be. it is how you portray yourself to others that allow them to perceive your goodself; of who you are and what you do.
how about who you are? you know best yourself. you know your inner deep self. your own thoughts, your own belief system. your trueself. do you think what those people would say about you will be the same as what you will say about yourself?

:: how others perceive you versus how you perceive yourself ::
is there any conflicts? if there is, WHY?

does this mean that what you believe of who you really are is not what you portray to others. why are we contractidicting our mind? or have you acquired the mind hypocrisy syndrome?
belief minus action
so, if given a chance to be reborn again and to change your life...WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE?
because @ INCOVAR...we inspire...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

...beliefs minus actions...

...beliefs - actions...
when beliefs minus actions equals anything other than zero, an anxiety will exist inside the individual. these imbalances can linger for years in honest objective people and only seconds for bias rationalizers. why is this?
it is due to one's honesty and objectivity when evaluating their initial internal feeling following a hypocritical imbalance. everyone wants their "beliefs minus actions" to equal zero. some do it by changing their beliefs so that they are equal to their actions.

change your actions so that they equal your beliefs. beliefs should be arrived at objectively, and should be a relatively independent variable.
so, which is you?
type 1::
your beliefs and perceptions of reality conform to support your own desires and imperfections. your beliefs and perceptions of reality are rationalizations for your actions and are without objectivity. when a state of hypocrisy arises, your beliefs conforms around your actions to eliminate contradiction, rather than conforming your actions around your beliefs.

type 2::
actions never contradict yo urbeliefs. you are completely devoted to what you believe. your beliefs and perceptions of reality are not rationalizations for your own actions. your beliefs and perceptions of reality are the result of either objective logic, blind faith or a combination of the two. regardless of the source of your beliefs, your beliefs and actions are without contradiction.
type 3::
your stated beliefs contradict your actions. however, your stated beliefs are consistent with your actual internal beliefs. you have strong convictions but do not always follow through.
type 4::
your stated beliefs contradict your actions and your stated beliefs are not consistent with your actual beliefs. you often have weak convictions, and it is possible for you to be non-hypocritical on an internal level.
type 5::
your internal beliefs contradict your actions. your internal beliefs remain constant despite your contradicting actions. you are honest with yourselves, and strive not to conform your beliefs around your own desires, actions, or imperfections.
type 6::
stated beliefs are consistent with actions but actual internal beliefs are not. you are often a people pleasers with weak convictions.

hypocrisy = beliefs - actions

...a person whose actions contradict their stated or internal beliefs...

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

...what happened during my leave...

...7 dec 2005...
received call from pevin and met up at the centre to pack the stuff. carried the hifi set, 70 cushions, 120 packets of milo, 5 cartons of mineral water, papers down to my car and pevin's car. and my heart was beating dem fast. was drizzling. managed to stuff everything into the car. dem my car was heavy. then, drove to ssl puchong. on the way, drop by at the caterer place to re-negotiate the price. she is increasing the price by rm1.50. my gawd, where on earth can we get the money to pay her. re-negotiated and onli choice is to reduce one dish from the menu. haih. arrived at the camp venue at about 7. looked for the person in charge. taught us how to switch on and off the lights and airconds. later. mopped the floor, arrange the stuff etc. no dinner. sern came and helped with the opening ceremony thingy. setup the stage and stuff for the ceremony. ern huei brought some dinner and ate dinner at 11pm. then asked jinhwa to go pick the thais from the airport. fred was making alot of noise cos he doesnt know the way. i was like, aiyoh dowan to listen to me. so, at the end went to puchong perdana (where he was lost) and picked him up. arrived at the camp venue and fred gave me a watch. i was like, fred...a watch. and he wished me merry christmas. i was so touched. slept at 3am after all the cleaning and mopping and setting up of the venue.

...8 dec 2005...
camp begins. rushing some slides for alex. success arrived and asked him to go out with me. to collect stuff from centre. make copies of the camp directory, buy stuff, etc. done and arrived back at camp venue at 230pm. rest. and workshop 1 begins. got myself dirtied with flour and the games. wakakaz. rest, etc. nite was opening ceremony. went well. took pictures. dear came to visit. talked for almost 2 hours till late late. went back to camp and have meeting and meeting and slept at 3.30am.
one thing i learnt...hypocracy of the mind...sei mei...

...9 dec 2005...
fred was around. helped to managed quite alot of stuff. with talks and workshop session after session. nite was offerings. first time doing. didnt do a good job. elsf handled everything else. i was having fun with my camera. shooting all the way. got bonded with the participant. small camp, all get bonded quite well. met a participant from inti, hahaha, apparently then became close and talked to him alot for the next few days. ixp preparation was quite erm, dunno what to say. helped as much as possible. script and etc. whispers from the heart also no people. haih, got fred's mom to run the session, and everyone loved her so much. she is really good.

...10 dec 2005...
main concern for the day was ixp. all i remember was rushing for the script and the faci guide. and trying to grasp the idea and concept with sern. script finished at 7pm. faci guide completed at the same time. and the session is at 730pm. and i have not even briefed the faci yet. givin me heart attack! again! thank goodness, it went well. things were good, i hope. i was facilitating a group with elsf, but later went to keng yan's group to help. he was freaking out at that moment. was there to coordinate his group. keng yan is a gengz facilitator! ixp was wonderful. appreciation nite came along and jo did great. she was natural. committee blindfold was great by jinsong. talked with the participants till 3.30am again.

...11 dec 2005...
last day of camp. sad to leave. things just passed and what we know, people started to cry and saying goodbyes. kinda sad to leave; especially when all of us bonded so well. same as one of the camp where wanhor and me attended b4. packed and left. took the thais around to klcc and shopping. reached the centre at 1am. slept at 3.30am.

...12 dec 2005...
woke up at 5am. fetch the thais to the airport. after which, fred and i went shopping at 1U. bought a pair of shoes for rm230+. wakakakz. so expensive. but, i needed it. then went home and slept whole day, woke up by phone calls by aaron. slept and slept and slept. until the next morning....

all in all, it was a wonderful leave. lots of crying, bonding with people. getting closer to more youth and more importantly, WE HAVE INSPIRED the youth...

because @ INCOVAR, we inspire...

Tuesday, December 6, 2005


24th INCOVAR Dhamma Camp
8 Dec 2005 :: 11 Dec 2005
Closed Eyes, Open Mind

...i m going crazy soon...

...i think i have gone crazy for these few days. too many things to wind up which causes alot of pain, anger and frustration.

working on the album launch was indeed full of frustration. after the album launch also some cold war in the emails. maybe its just me.

incovar; my passion my dreams my everything...somehow this camp's hiccups are really drawing my energy away. attending to workshops, looking into the programmes, conducting session, carrying super big container by myself from 3rd floor, packing free distribution books, ensuring gifts and freebies are enough, carry cushions, negotiating price with caterer. my gawd!

work is also really drawing alot of my energy. unfinished work from previous pm, too many people left, task left hanging, data migration specs to be out this week, etc. another oh my gawd.!

and to top it all up, i thought i was actually invited to the product softlaunch but apparently i was not really invited at all. this email really sucks.

"Hi there. You are invited to join the Partner’s Program on this coming Thursday. If your project schedule permits please try to make it for this event, because it marks an important milestone for XXXX. Your presence will be greatly appreciated. Please reply to me on your availability by end of today, so that I can prepare your nametag."

i was "invited" to come if my project time permits. my presence will be greatly appreciated - need to reply cos have to prepare nametags. (the email was attached with another email with everyone's name and their roles. obviously, i do not have any role there, that was why i was left out. its a long suckie story, enuff to piss me off and make me write such a long blog)

and all these while i tot i was already invited and i just have to wait for the call of what is my role there and how i can offer my help. i am on-leave from wed onwards but more than willing to come back for the event; since mr chuah already asked us to come during the technical meeting, so i already marked my time to be there between 3pm to 8pm. i had to tell alex that I CANT MAKE IT FOR THE OPENING CEREMONY, which incidently is at 8pm cos i need to attend this company event. and to find out that i am not even invited, really sucks.

i can say that, all the things tht i so wanted to do; people branding, enhancing motivation, energizing colleagues team spirit, team building, company vision, etc just went down the drain.

the support dept mgr had to ask the coordinator why certain ppl are not invited and not in the list. after that only, we received the email of "invitation". sorry lar, but the timeline of it all really sucks. thinking back, no point to it lar. why waste my energy to even bother asking why not invited but rather focus on going to a place where my presence is appreciated more.

nah, i am not pissed with that email. not frust over anyone. not angry over the things that has happened. just needed to voice it out, then i will be ok.

infact, there are alot of happy moments too. the album was a big hit. my colleagues are buying it. my pm is getting a copy and asking for autograph. loon will be getting one for his fren. and eg has been promoting it to everyone. even my christian fren is taking a second look at it. incovar should be wonderful. i have a group of good frens who is helping, taking leave to come, managing peoples emotion and motivation, and of course aaron dude will be off on thu to come to the camp.

these frustration and anger are challenges. life would not be interesting if everything went so well; without any ups or down. wouldnt it be bored if you live a 90 years life onli "listening to harp musics and being fed with grapes". sit back and take the stress and pressure as it comes.

sadness is just a period of time between 2 moments of happiness. and happiness is just a period of time between 2 moment of sadness. i will see happiness soon; of course i will...

Sunday, December 4, 2005

...i.gemz album launch...

...3rd december 2005 :: i.gemz album launch...

finally, the album is out. the launching was a huge success. targetted 100 turnouts. but, we saw more than 130 people. targetted to sell 100 copies of the cds, but we sold more than 200 pieces. (not inclusive of bulk orders).

so glad to be involved in the design of the album cover and getting the concept out, with branding stuff and etc...and seeing your work gets printed, 6000 copies of it, its simply marvellous. come, get a copy of the cds.

some pictures during the launch.

sue lynn(left) during the autograph session

a picture for the press :: the star

andrew sia(in orange) from the star newspaper interviewing the singers

i.gemz :: the people behind it all

...i.gemz believes that their music inspires people to find strength within and live a meaningful life...

the first question the press asked was, "what does i.gemz means? what does the 'i' means?" so, what does it mean?