...lost in emotion...

...when something is lost, how can we find it back?...

...the white envelope...

...first to tell was wt. then loon. then carmen. but of course they are the closest to me. have known it long ago adi. known what? something happened today le. results can be seen in two months time. finally? yea. finally...

...birthday wishes...

...happy birthday dear fren. i think you guys look great together...

...its officially over...

...in just one minute, when the clock strikes twelve. its officially over. it has come to an end now. tms warranty period officially ends today 15-july-2007 as per the contract. it ended with a big bang of celebrating the 20th birth-day of concurrent live enrolment for 20 sites. and without the dedication and perseverance of the team, we wouldnt have made it through with an open heart. and we made it thru TOGETHER. wt has been working hand in hand with me since and we survived it all...

...欲望...

...感情来来去去,欲望来去去,让他们来去自如. 不带他们如此认真. 只是看他们. 如果你不设法控制他们,不希望他们来,否则你不会得到这么大冷门. 我们渴望得到控制,使我们烧尽的. 我们不受苦,因为我们有一个心; 我们受苦,因为我们有欲望,他们采取如此严重...

...snow in the summer...

...there is longing, a yearning in my heart.
i reach for you. i know you are reaching for me.
but i cannot reach you. something is keeping us apart.
what is that? i feel like there is a vacuum in my heart.
i am living but i don’t really feel alive.
how can i feel alive without that?
how can i reach you without that?
how can you reach me without that?
we are apart? but we don’t know.
what’s really keeping us apart?
i found out that i don’t have it.
i used to have it. and i lost it. i did not know i lost it.
but i know all the time that something is missing.

there is no life in my life. i feel dead. at all cost.
i must get it back again. without it life is not worth living.
how foolish i was to neglect that and turn all my body and mind toward such superficial things. now my heart is crying.
what a lie i’ve lived. what a waste it would be to live all my life like this.
how meaningless!
can i overcome my wrong conditioning?
have i enough courage to overcome this lie?
can i live a healthy, meaningful life?
am i healthy enough to become really healthy again?
to become a really whole and complete human being again?
to be the person i used to be again?
please love me again...

...morning dew...

...from ice's hi5, i was linked to this site. and many more people i have known. this one particularly caught my attention. gosh it has been so long already. grabbed this picture from her hi5. she really look stunning now. an air stewardess flying around the world. speaks good english and captures my heart with her charming smile and beautiful eyes. the days of our friendship in bangkok, our late outings to thaiclub, shopping at vincci, to merdeka at klcc, mamaking at 3am in the morning. laughing togehter, crying together and now missing so much of her. her name is dew by the way...

..sohtank ice...

...ice messaged me today in msn. yeap. made my day so easily. it has been so long since we last talked to each other. the last time i met him was in bangkok having japanese food together in siam square. and that was when i intro to him the temple visit card. wakakaz. if he gets more than 5 stamps on the card, i will buy him another round of sushi. hahaha. i dunno how many stamps he has by now, but if i am in bangkok the next round, big treat of sushi from me ya. anyway, it was great to chat with him again and see him in hi5. this guy is full of fun with all sorts of crazee idea and great concept. he copyrighted the word sohtank! meaning greetings and hi from us...

...anti-depressant...

...i am on pills these days. it has become a neccesity these days. fcuk it hurts to know that its bad and yet i am doing it. that makes me an stupid idiot with no sense huh. oh fcuk don let me suck in by the 10.89 pull!...

...when seven is not eleven...

...when seven decided to come in threes...

07.07.07 is world fcuk day. happy fcuking day to all

...burden or brighten?...

...on 16 april 2007, i got 6 interns assigned to me. all six from uniten. my gawd such a burden. datelines, deliverables, customer making noises, pending stuff to solve, lacking of resources and 6 interns? burden or brighten? daily task allocation, work checking, teaching, mentoring, guiding, qa, marking logbook, meetings, evaluations, and the whole list goes on and on. everyone was grueling over the fact that its a burden more than brighten. twelve weeks later, eighty four days passed, 2016 hours after that, yes! its has become a relieve. on the other hand, the bonding formed and the friendship developed, the teamwork established, it does feel abit sad to see them off. glad that wt, loon, calvin, ong, veon, wayhang has put in alot of effort to making it work. we have a great team here. and glad to be a good host supervisor to them. all the best to the group of interns.

...what they will remember of me?
I stands of INNITIATIVE! what is the "I" word again? INNITIATIVE!
and how about the equation POWER equals WORK divided by TIME and when time is a fixed factor, how do we increase POWER? wakakaz...

...fck decepticons...

...of torch and optimus prime. megatron to silver surfers. cars and robots. hoover dam and sector seven. its so freaking good to get a glimpse of torch exchanging powers with the thing and the yellow dirty bumble bee transformed into a beautiful yellow machine. in the moments of my freaking capability to cope beyond the normal of wondress human, i just wish i could transform and surf with the silver surfers above the streets of sf and fight the evil forces of decepticon. fcuk those decepticon...

...if i knew megatron was hidden under hoover dam, i would have just gone down and check him out. darn missed it...

...blue megatron conquering hoover. or mebbe i am the evil one that optimus prime is fighting over to protect the world. makes me wonder how do we know if we are the voice of the angel not decepticon sore throat? we all have the angel and the little devil playing beside our ears. sometimes the little devil uses high pitch voice and then we are shocked. but when the angel speaks, its gentle reminder and positive yellow hat gives rise to many beautiful memories. how often does the little angel speaks when the whole world is against us? just wanna be torch and fire the whole world!...