...red alert 3...

...noisy...

...stupid shitty idiot...

...waliao. blardy hell. assholes are on the move again today. dem ass man. fcuk la. i am so sick. sick of last minute items. last minute thing to do. wasting time. wasting energy. fcuking stupid idiot. you know what i want to do to them? fcuk them kaokao. asking me to do some so last minute thing and giving me only like doh less than a day to do it and blardy hell asking me if i can complete it? blardy hell, NO. i cant complete it cos i have so many other deliverables to do. think i am so dem shit free to sit here and listen to music. shitty idiot. stupid idiot. shit. blardy fool...

...so random...

...arghh...need to think positive. need to plant positive energy. need to be more inspired. arghh so fcuking hate this feelings right now. thoughts are so random. ok something i compiled for my colleagues on the 22nd floor...

...drowning in a glass of whine...

...alot of people have asked me what happened to me and why am i liddat. why am i behaving liddat. why am i so negative. most asked questions, are you so stressed up with work? are you overloaded? too many things to do huh. fcuk everyone of them.

why is everyone equating overloaded work and too many things with stress? if time can be managed well, i don’t think there is overloading of work. if expectations can be set properly, and work can be allocated accordingly and tasks managed well, i don’t see any reason why people are overloaded. nah, too busy maybe. fcuk them. as if i bother.

what is wrong these people. why ask so many stupid questions. or rather, what is wrong with me. mebbe i am really having alot of problems lately. and maybe i am so stressily sicked and tired. stressed? wakkakaz. stupid word. yea i am so overly sick and stressed over those bastard assholes. those fcuking assholes. with all the assholes that i encounter daily. am i really that negative these days? or am i selective with who i should show asshole face to and who i should not. but a transparent person me, anyone also can see thru me lar. but, on second thought, i dont really care.

alot have also thrown in their share of comments on how i should do this and what i shouldnt be doing. and how i should be doing. frankly speaking, quite a number also highlighted things like, i should plant positive energy, i should think positive, i should make things happen, i should mentor this person, i should remind this and that, i should do all these things. the fact that i am so stress is not because that i should do so many things. i am able to handle all these; even if i dont sleep and work all nite to get things done i am ok. i am not stress. even if i need to do this and do that, i am fine cos its just me who wants to do it. and i am happy doing it. heck i have been doing it for so long and i believe and i know it can be done. i am not stress. my timeline is well managed and my deliverables are fine.

but why am i so fcukingly stressed? its the pressure to make things great and being me, i want to make it exceptionally great. i cant and i wont settle for normal. some has said to me that, quality is very subjective. to me, nope its something that we have set and we already can benchmark the kind of standards that we want. and i know for sure what kind of quality is considered to be good quality. its not in the state of mind. its real and its premier. and that is precisely the reason why am i so stress. at one end worrying about the running of the camp, the concept, the preparation, the inspiring part of the camp, on the other hand i am constantly in a strife of the contemporary and the original part of the camp. and not forgetting the experiential part of it. the network, vibrant and action part is all shown in the participants reaction during the camp. so quality better, higher standards.


imagine being the bapak here; the person who has been around since like the earlier generation of the experiential learning thingy and getting difficult to hear comments about the camp which happens to be your baby, what else should i do. sit down and let other people tell u how you should raise your child? i feel proud of what we have achieved in incovar. i am so darn glad to have brought incovar to where it is today even to the international arena. fcukingly awesome feeling and a great sense of achievement. and i am not going to let it ruin. i am back here to make things happen.

help? of course need alot of help, but i dont really care anymore who wants to help or who wants to tell me what they can or cannot do or telling me what i should do or commenting why is this happening again and why are people liddat. and i am not begging anyone for help. i did and i was laughed at and i was commented on and i was given harsh remarks. and i told myself i am not going to ask these blardy assholes for help anymore. imagine its so hard to ask for help and instead of hoping someone would at least offer a yes, it ended up my face full of salivas and sharp pin needles shot directly into you veins. that was awfully pain. and to think of it, i am not begging anyone for help anymore. i wish people would come and offer help and let me relax a little. but who cares about anyone anyway. the world is losing its heart. so dem blardy rite. who cares of what you do or how you feel anyway. at least those who cares are those who are helping; directly or indirectly with inspiration. and i am thankful that these people still exists…

...absolut mango...

...last week was really a tiring yet productive weekend. phew! in the morning, send success to lcct as he was on his way to palembang on business trip. since his flight was about noon i told him that i will see him off; but however the line at the check in was super long that i had to make a move first. rushed home packed and went to kuantan to reccee the venue for our 30IDC. took a three hour slow drive to kuantan and checked out the fabulous venue that was loaned to us to run camps. how i wish bgf can have such great venues so that we dont have to be nomads. planned so many activities around the temple, made full use of the temple ground and surveyed every single inch of the venue. excellent outdoor and view especially during sunset.

the next day visited a few other places in kuantan and promoted the camp and rushed home to kl. was driving quite fast at certain places; hopefully wont get saman. reached kl and rushed to pick up jack daniels from the train station to subang: to work on the camp tshirt. kenny picked up tzayeong from kk and we all met in starbucks. had a super duper long discussion about the logo, about jack's proposal and tzayeong's design. phew. totally awesome day and my brain was picked to the maximum. absolutely great to be using my brain power again. the juices are coming back man. celebrated jack's 21st birthday in starbucks with him blowing off the candles and making him shy about the joke we played on him. excellent nite. excellent weekend with lots of ideas for the camp tshirt and a wonderful weekend to be with metzteam again...

...humor...

...msn buddy is right. its almost so easy to laugh than to fall into a hate crime. its so easy to blabber blabber and laugh laugh out loud. i just need some humour back in my life...

...laughing matter...

...suddenly my msn buddy told me to inject some positive energy into my blog. and i think he is right. i have not been laughing at all. and i think tzayeong realised that. tonite i laughed the hell out of myself. tzayeong showed me videos he shot with his coursemates molesting each other; darn farnee. i have never laughed so well for a very very long time. these sons make my day...

...exam theme...

...msn buddy very yau yeng today. breaking convention is something he has been practising. wakakaz. he came up with this new concept, new idea of coming out with a theme for finals. wakakkz. very the yau yeng. this sem's final was formal wear and they all went for their finals wearing their formal wear. wow. pretty much enjoying themselves. and heck, examinations are supposed to be enjoyable. i was taught that if we can enjoy watching tv, enjoy talking, enjoy comp games so much, how come we kenot learn to enjoy exams. just a slight tune of mindset and a bit tweaking the bits and pieces of it. and voila what do u get? a group of fashionable youth trying to make finals enjoyable and happy and lively. next theme? back to secondary school. watch out. let them be the ones to kickstart the new wave in varsity...

...scs @ varsity...

...comparison...

...i dont like to compare and i dont like being compared with. i create my own standards. heck i have been compared all my life as i grew up in this fcuking world. why compare again when u get a chance to live a life without comparison. i create my own fcuking standards. i dont need to compare with other people. i dont live my life to compare...

...awesome nites...

...finally is over. at least for today that is. fcuking difficult to work through the slides presentation, balancing between my design job and the fcuking presentation that i have been working on it since a month ago; only using whichever free time i get from my day to day tasks. ya right, can i help in anyway? sincere or just say for the sake of saying. fcuk it. i am so dem stress and please dont add on to the stress problem i already had in me. dont make it boil. fcuk again. i didnt even get a single helping hand until all the blacks and whites have been duplicated. totally 48CB!

presentation went welL i would assume. i think they love me. later we went out to lunch with our partners; had a great time playing catching. reaching back to office; the shoulder was so relaxed. ahhhh, finally the day is over. so glad. ignore every single thing in the afternoon and went on to a dkdc mode.

phew, totally awesome week. with bubs tshirt up, 30idc camp logo launched, camp on target, workshops all planned out; i am sure that i will be making more aspiration for more good deeds to come our way to INCOVAR.

what a fcuking day; however not it comes with tonnes of good memories of visiting old blogging arena right where it started...

...clearing emoself...

...i was chatting with aarontan thru email and i found that i have 900 over emails that i have corresponded with him. shucks. so many emails. i wonder what have we spoken about for so long. so many things we corresponded on. so many topics we talked. good ones, argumentative ones, pissed off ones, happy ones. no matter what stupid emo fcuking mood i am in, aarontan will always be there to chat with me, aarontan u r the greatest friend...

...worried...

...i so worry leh...

...good ramen...

...so many emo blogs. but today, i did not let the emo take over. today jt bought me dinner. so happy. met at starbucks and we adjourned to pyramid. wandered around; looking for nice movie to watch but ended up no movie. went for early dinner and had ramen. whatever jt belanja, i also happy one. ramen was really good. ty wasnt feeling well. had a long chat in starbucks after that. and send jt back. all the way ty was feeling miserable at the back seat. noticed something is wrong. speed like a madman to ty's place and half way through, he vomitted. i feel so bad. i should have known somehting is wrong and send him back first. i should have make my move to send him back when we were in pyramid first. i totally feel so guilty...