...drowning in a glass of whine...
...alot of people have asked me what happened to me and why am i liddat. why am i behaving liddat. why am i so negative. most asked questions, are you so stressed up with work? are you overloaded? too many things to do huh. fcuk everyone of them.
why is everyone equating overloaded work and too many things with stress? if time can be managed well, i don’t think there is overloading of work. if expectations can be set properly, and work can be allocated accordingly and tasks managed well, i don’t see any reason why people are overloaded. nah, too busy maybe. fcuk them. as if i bother.
what is wrong these people. why ask so many stupid questions. or rather, what is wrong with me. mebbe i am really having alot of problems lately. and maybe i am so stressily sicked and tired. stressed? wakkakaz. stupid word. yea i am so overly sick and stressed over those bastard assholes. those fcuking assholes. with all the assholes that i encounter daily. am i really that negative these days? or am i selective with who i should show asshole face to and who i should not. but a transparent person me, anyone also can see thru me lar. but, on second thought, i dont really care.
alot have also thrown in their share of comments on how i should do this and what i shouldnt be doing. and how i should be doing. frankly speaking, quite a number also highlighted things like, i should plant positive energy, i should think positive, i should make things happen, i should mentor this person, i should remind this and that, i should do all these things. the fact that i am so stress is not because that i should do so many things. i am able to handle all these; even if i dont sleep and work all nite to get things done i am ok. i am not stress. even if i need to do this and do that, i am fine cos its just me who wants to do it. and i am happy doing it. heck i have been doing it for so long and i believe and i know it can be done. i am not stress. my timeline is well managed and my deliverables are fine.
but why am i so fcukingly stressed? its the pressure to make things great and being me, i want to make it exceptionally great. i cant and i wont settle for normal. some has said to me that, quality is very subjective. to me, nope its something that we have set and we already can benchmark the kind of standards that we want. and i know for sure what kind of quality is considered to be good quality. its not in the state of mind. its real and its premier. and that is precisely the reason why am i so stress. at one end worrying about the running of the camp, the concept, the preparation, the inspiring part of the camp, on the other hand i am constantly in a strife of the contemporary and the original part of the camp. and not forgetting the experiential part of it. the network, vibrant and action part is all shown in the participants reaction during the camp. so quality better, higher standards.
imagine being the bapak here; the person who has been around since like the earlier generation of the experiential learning thingy and getting difficult to hear comments about the camp which happens to be your baby, what else should i do. sit down and let other people tell u how you should raise your child? i feel proud of what we have achieved in incovar. i am so darn glad to have brought incovar to where it is today even to the international arena. fcukingly awesome feeling and a great sense of achievement. and i am not going to let it ruin. i am back here to make things happen.
help? of course need alot of help, but i dont really care anymore who wants to help or who wants to tell me what they can or cannot do or telling me what i should do or commenting why is this happening again and why are people liddat. and i am not begging anyone for help. i did and i was laughed at and i was commented on and i was given harsh remarks. and i told myself i am not going to ask these blardy assholes for help anymore. imagine its so hard to ask for help and instead of hoping someone would at least offer a yes, it ended up my face full of salivas and sharp pin needles shot directly into you veins. that was awfully pain. and to think of it, i am not begging anyone for help anymore. i wish people would come and offer help and let me relax a little. but who cares about anyone anyway. the world is losing its heart. so dem blardy rite. who cares of what you do or how you feel anyway. at least those who cares are those who are helping; directly or indirectly with inspiration. and i am thankful that these people still exists…
why is everyone equating overloaded work and too many things with stress? if time can be managed well, i don’t think there is overloading of work. if expectations can be set properly, and work can be allocated accordingly and tasks managed well, i don’t see any reason why people are overloaded. nah, too busy maybe. fcuk them. as if i bother.
what is wrong these people. why ask so many stupid questions. or rather, what is wrong with me. mebbe i am really having alot of problems lately. and maybe i am so stressily sicked and tired. stressed? wakkakaz. stupid word. yea i am so overly sick and stressed over those bastard assholes. those fcuking assholes. with all the assholes that i encounter daily. am i really that negative these days? or am i selective with who i should show asshole face to and who i should not. but a transparent person me, anyone also can see thru me lar. but, on second thought, i dont really care.
alot have also thrown in their share of comments on how i should do this and what i shouldnt be doing. and how i should be doing. frankly speaking, quite a number also highlighted things like, i should plant positive energy, i should think positive, i should make things happen, i should mentor this person, i should remind this and that, i should do all these things. the fact that i am so stress is not because that i should do so many things. i am able to handle all these; even if i dont sleep and work all nite to get things done i am ok. i am not stress. even if i need to do this and do that, i am fine cos its just me who wants to do it. and i am happy doing it. heck i have been doing it for so long and i believe and i know it can be done. i am not stress. my timeline is well managed and my deliverables are fine.
but why am i so fcukingly stressed? its the pressure to make things great and being me, i want to make it exceptionally great. i cant and i wont settle for normal. some has said to me that, quality is very subjective. to me, nope its something that we have set and we already can benchmark the kind of standards that we want. and i know for sure what kind of quality is considered to be good quality. its not in the state of mind. its real and its premier. and that is precisely the reason why am i so stress. at one end worrying about the running of the camp, the concept, the preparation, the inspiring part of the camp, on the other hand i am constantly in a strife of the contemporary and the original part of the camp. and not forgetting the experiential part of it. the network, vibrant and action part is all shown in the participants reaction during the camp. so quality better, higher standards.
imagine being the bapak here; the person who has been around since like the earlier generation of the experiential learning thingy and getting difficult to hear comments about the camp which happens to be your baby, what else should i do. sit down and let other people tell u how you should raise your child? i feel proud of what we have achieved in incovar. i am so darn glad to have brought incovar to where it is today even to the international arena. fcukingly awesome feeling and a great sense of achievement. and i am not going to let it ruin. i am back here to make things happen.
help? of course need alot of help, but i dont really care anymore who wants to help or who wants to tell me what they can or cannot do or telling me what i should do or commenting why is this happening again and why are people liddat. and i am not begging anyone for help. i did and i was laughed at and i was commented on and i was given harsh remarks. and i told myself i am not going to ask these blardy assholes for help anymore. imagine its so hard to ask for help and instead of hoping someone would at least offer a yes, it ended up my face full of salivas and sharp pin needles shot directly into you veins. that was awfully pain. and to think of it, i am not begging anyone for help anymore. i wish people would come and offer help and let me relax a little. but who cares about anyone anyway. the world is losing its heart. so dem blardy rite. who cares of what you do or how you feel anyway. at least those who cares are those who are helping; directly or indirectly with inspiration. and i am thankful that these people still exists…
posted by jeeyon at 7:25 AM
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