...happy hell-o-whine...

...happy helloweens day. halloween's day is the day to mark the beginning of the season of darkness. the history is quite long, but for sure this halloween or rather HELL-O-WHINE is sure a hell of a whining day for me. and today marks one of the hell day. its like the hell gate just broke open and the anger eating demon just got away. somehow i got the anger eating demon and he has been haunting me all these while. the more i get angrier, the more angry i will be and the bigger the anger eating demon will be. i cant stop it. i cant release it. i hate to be in this situation.

yeap, that was the story about the anger eating demon, the more angry u get the bigger it grows. after so many years with incovar, and incovar is so much part of me right now and is totally the entire of me, i cant let anything go just liddat. i am so involved and i will be. and because of incovar, i do understand for the fact that stupid anger eating demon can be easily get rid off and i think incovar has taught me so much that i dont think anyone would believe me that yes, it is a platform to learn.

of course i did learn alot. and the only reason why i am in such hell of a time right now is because i chose to be in it, and i knw for the fact how much pain it brings me; but i still chose to live in it and experience the pain itself. no i wont commit the stupiest thing of committing suicide which i did long long ago; where thoughts, plan and almost action were there. luckily circumstances did not allow me to do so.

i am now here. and i am alive and i hate to be in this situation. yes i am angry. yes i am dem tulan frustrated si beh kiong kan kau lat. i just want to effed up a little before coming back to the moment...